Why so much homophobia? Why, indeed.

[flewellyn]

I wrote this originally on another forum. The question someone was asking was, "Why can't straight guys who get hit on by gay guys just take it as a compliment, and be flattered?"

Here's what I said:

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Straight men, by and large, can't think that way.

The reason, I think, has to do with (what I believe is) the real source of homophobia. To a great many men, there are two sex roles, and the equation works out like this:

Man = one who penetrates.

Woman = one who is penetrated.

Woman < Man, because woman = sex object, not person.

Therefor, being penetrated < man, because only sex objects are penetrated.

Now, men with this mindset will react with confusion and fear to the idea that a man could be penetrated, and thus made "less than" a man. These men are used to objectifying, not being objectified, so the idea that a man could find THEM attractive in a sex-object way is terrifying to them, because it upsets their conception of the natural order of things: man fucks, woman gets fucked. Because, you see, to these men sex is a form of power, not intimacy, where the man shows his dominance and his "fitness" by penetrating a worthy woman. A man being penetrated would mean the man lost his power, and turned into something less than a man (which, to these men, means woman).

So if we really want to combat this sort of idea, the first thing we need to do is convince these men that 1) Women are not sex objects, and 2) Sex is not all about power. This may take awhile...

Comments

[anwyn18.livejournal.com]

It's not nessisarily harsh. Just because some men associate women with penetration dosen't mean they automatically look down on them, or disrespect them. For some men it's a natural characteristic - women have boobs, higher voices, and are penetrated. Men have no boobs, lower voices, and penetrate. Now if you try and mix those sorts of characteristics around, it can be very challenging on a very deep level. If you identify as male, and have never questioned that, how can you not have an emotional reaction to taking on a characteristic you associate with a gender other than your own? Not all men who are uncomfortable with being hit on by gay men are offended - some are just dealing with a percieved challenge to their identity.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Not all men who are uncomfortable with being hit on by gay men are offended - some are just dealing with a percieved challenge to their identity.

Yes, but why do they think this is a challenge to their identity? Because women are supposed to be lesser.

[anwyn18.livejournal.com]

No, because women are different. Any major shift in identity can upset people - even one in a "better" direction. People who have been poor and suddenly come into a great deal of money often struggle to redefine themselves, as do people who have been unemployed for a long time and manage to get and hold down a good job.
Why do transexuals struggle with identity issues? It's not JUST because of societal reactions - it's also because your gender is a fundamental part of your sense of self, and changing ANYTHING about that is challenging.