The Facebook Failtastic, or, I Know Why The Fail Thread Fails

[flewellyn]

So, a friend of mine on Facebook, who I always figured was an intelligent and thoughtful guy, posted a note which was, in my humble opinion, composed entirely of 100% pure, uncut, hand-picked, dry-roasted Columbian fail. In it, this friend, who is a Lutheran pastor, lambasted President Obama and the Democratic Congress for daring to go after AIG's misuse of bailout funds to pay bonuses to their executives.

Yeah, I know.

Here, for those of you who would be interested in a sampling of such high-test fail, and for context purposes, is the letter he wrote. I have taken the liberty of redacting his actual name (Facebook being what it is, everyone's real name shows), and replaced it with initials.

Dear Mr. President,

I have seen the news. The American International Group (AIG) is under scrutiny by Congress and the media because it received funds from American taxpayers to prevent the company's projected failure. After receiving "bail out money" from the taxpayers, AIG paid bonuses in excess of $150,000 to several executives. Congress held a hearing and drilled AIG's CEO. And just today, Congress hurriedly passed a bill to tax these bonuses at 90%, as though paying a bonus according to contract is against the law.

As a pastor, I must follow the commandment "Do no bear false witness against your neighbor." As a Lutheran, I interpret this to mean that I should never speak worse of anyone than he/she deserves. I should always speak of others in the best possible light. So from this point on, I shall refer to you in terms no less than you have merited, sir.

You are an incompetent, self-righteous, liar! Let us examine these characteristics one at a time in light of the current situation.

Let us begin with "incompetent." Through the recent "stimulus" bill and your reaction to AIG, you have shown yourself to be incapable of your office. Despite your promise to allow the American people and their representatives time to review any new legislation, you signed the stimulus bill. Congress passed this 1200-page act of burglary only 10 hours after its midnight introduction. There was no possible way for anybody to know what was in it...not even you, Mr. President.

AIG then took taxpayer money to prevent its projected failure. Under contract it used some of that money to pay executive bonuses in excess of $150,000. Once this news broke, American citizens, members of Congress and you, Mr. President, were outraged. "How dare they be so greedy as to use that money for such a purpose," we wondered. How indeed? As it turns out the hastily passed economic stimulus bill said they could. You supported it, you rushed it through, you signed it, and now you are surprised that businesses like AIG would follow it.

After some grandstanding by Congress (better known as "hearings"), legislation was passed today to tax executive bonuses (for companies that received $5 billion or more in taxpayer funds) at 90%. You make them look like criminals, and for what? You did it to hide your own mistake. You did it so you could look like a hero by "solving" a problem that you caused. You caused it by passing a bill you did not read. You caused it by calling greedy those people who were paid a bonus according to contract and law. Now, in your usual manner, you seek to solve the problem by adding more taxes to the list. President Obama, you have insulted the American people by your attempt to hide your own stupidity and ignorance. You are either incompetent or dishonest, or both. Either way, you are not fit for the office to which you have been unfortunately elected.

The next characteristic is "self-righteous." Today I heard another speech that you read from a teleprompter. Of course, I could tell you read it from a teleprompter because it was reasonably eloquent and not littered the barrage of "uh's, ah's and um's" characteristic of your more spontaneous moments. You said that you will take responsibility for these problems because you are the president, even though you did not cause them. First of all, you know full well that you have indebted this country for generations to come. You know that the stock market tanks every time an idea makes its way from your head to your mouth. Do not presume that you are blameless. Do not blame your failures on your predecessor simply because you screwed up in a shorter period of time than he. History will judge you, Mr. President, and so will the people of this country. I, however, am blameless for this as I did not vote for you. You are right about two things though. You are the president, and you are responsible. Both facts are quite unfortunate.

Finally, Mr. President, you are a liar. I addressed some of this earlier. Ever since your campaign you have shown your dishonesty. You claim that you did not know the anti-American views of your pastor to whom you listened for 20 years. You promised transparency in legislation. Yet you signed a hastily passed bill. You offer us AIG and you present them as greedy criminals because they followed a law that you passed. You say you are not to blame when you signed the law. You promised (at your inauguration) an end to the politics of fear. Yet you tell us that we must push through these ridiculous spending bills because failure to do so would insure financial ruin for the country. You promised that you would sign no bill with earmarks. Then (in a move coined by supporters of abortion) you simply redefined earmarks.

President Obama, stop your stream of lies. Take responsibility for your own failures as president, and learn how to do your job. You might start by reading the constitution (a document that was read and debated thoroughly before its passage). How dare you insult the people of this country by supporting legislation, then prosecuting law-abiding businesses who followed that legislation. How dare you think that your words will go unnoticed by the people you seek to lead (or perhaps control). Frankly, sir, you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope and pray that your respect for America increases, and that you would rise to meet the demands of your office. Otherwise, I hope that voters will correct their mistake in 2012.

Good Luck, Mr. President.

Sincerely,
K K
[location redacted]

I'm not sure on what planet he's been preaching for the last eight years. It sure as hell wasn't Earth.

Obviously, such a posting spawned a comment thread. That thread proved to be, for the most part, a generous helping of farm-fresh failcream to add to the initial dose. I could not decide what part to post, so I posted all of it here.

Again, I have changed all names but mine to initials, and replaced my actual name with "Flewellyn" and "Flew" as appropriate.




B D M at 7:58am March 20
Nicely said!I didn't vote for him either. And I've hated listening to his speech's, if you can call them that, with all the "uh's, ah's and um's" . Way to go K!!!!!

T S at 10:41am March 20
It is SO good to find someone being rational about the mess Obama is creating in our country. I am beyond tired of hearing people talk about him as if they're in love. His economic policies will ruin us, his foreign poilicies are dangerous, and his views on abortion make me sick to my stomach! Thanks you for the eloquent and intelligent letter!

K K at 10:44am March 20
I'll take that as a compliment from a good woman and an English major :) Thanks T!

K M at 12:16pm March 20
Bravo!
So, have you printed it and actually sent it to him?

R C at 12:52pm March 20
Did you watch Leno's "interview" of him on the Tonight Show last night? In typical political fashion (so I really shouldn't have been surprised) he dodged answering every question - including what kind of dog they were going to get! (That one just made me laugh - he couldn't even give a straight answer about the dog...)

Flewellyn at 1:07pm March 20
You're a bit early for this. April 1 is not for another 12 days.

P S at 1:48pm March 20
K,
Before you embarrass yourself any further you should know the the AIG bailout is part of the $700 Billion bailout package signed by George W. Bush on October 3, 2008. The responsibility for the distribution of this money was left up to the Federal Reserve, prior to the election and inauguration of Obama. You seem to have spent quite some time writing an opinion piece without researching your facts.

L B M at 2:41pm March 20
I appreciate your passion K. Since you mentioned your Lutheran interpretation of the 8th commandment, I would like to add what Martin Luther writes regarding its meaning. First, fear and love God, "so that we do not tell lies about our neighbors, betray or slander them, or destroy their reputations. Instead we are to come to their defense, ... speak well of them, and interpret everything they do in the best possible light." As a pastor, you/we are to preach that judgement and reprove comes to an end in Christ. Please see what Dr. Luther says in the Large Catechism about what we are to do when we see and hear our neighbors sins, a public letter is not one of them.

M O at 2:57pm March 20
I'm with P S on this one. Do the research before you call someone an incompetent liar.

C B at 3:48pm March 20
No, AIG was not part of the $700 Billion bailout, they were part of a package prior to that and recently were bailed out more just recently and the line that K speaks of was in the most recent Stimilus package which President Obama did sign (side note doesn't it seem odd how the media no longer seems to refer to our current President as Mr. ... Obama?). It is also true that Obama has not kept his word when it comes to transparency, he stated in his campaign that he would not sign a bill until everyone had had at least 48 hours to review it on the internet, but how many of the bills that Obama has signed have been open for that? Still waiting, I believe. I also remember when it was patriotic to disagree with our president, but now that Obama is president that is no longer something acceptable. Obama has spent, the last figure I believe was over $30 Billion a day since he was inaugurated and there is no end in sight.

R C at 3:58pm March 20
I love how each side shows such righteous indignation over these issues. Dems got to take their pot shots when Bush made a mockery of the office, and now the tables are turned and the Repubs get to take the same pot shots at Obama. They're all politicians... lying and corruption is what they do!! And we're surprised? Bush indeed proposed a ... nightmare bill, but Obama, McCain and the majority of Congress signed it - so the buck stopped with Congress. The original bill was a disastrous idea, but any dissenter was accused of playing "partisan politics" if they hesitated in signing it ...and now it's coming back to bite us all in the butt... same thing happened, only in reverse, when the Republicans were in control and bullied dissenters with "you're anti-American if you don't do this" rhetoric regarding Iraq... whoever is in the majority bullies the minority and the tables are just shifting like they always do.

D M R at 4:28pm March 20
Yes, tables are turned..what goes around comes around. All the Dems are saying to me to give guy a chance and blah blah blah..however they never gave Bush a chance. Instead they just look at the surface of issues and not reality of issues. Get a grip Dems!!! You voted for somebody that lied to you all!

N V N at 4:28pm March 20
A Lutheran pastor?

M V at 4:36pm March 20
K,

I enjoyed the read and agree with most of it. As I am sure you have seem me hitting it to BHO. But, GW did sing this before BHO was Pres, Paul needs to remember that the Dem loaded Congress pushed this to him and said they would block other things he wanted to do if he did not sign the bailout.
The main reason I am writing you is now as ... Pastor you need to do better with the wordsmithing before you make things open to the public. I have the same problem and speak my heart all the time, but we both need to remember that we are ALWAYS called into the life of a Pastor and need to be better then the leaders of our Church. K I hope all is well and you are have a great time.

B T at 4:48pm March 20
I gave Bush 2,920 days of chances and President Obama has only had 60 days in office. I dont think we can really judge how great Obama is or isn't on just 60 days.

D M R at 5:04pm March 20
This is the thing...if it were Bush in office right now..all the blame would be on him..however it seems that Obama is getting a break from the Dems and excuses. Bush didnt get a fair chance from day 1 in office.

B H at 5:12pm March 20
Interesting letter K. It definitely has passion, one in which we all know which side you are on. Also Remember to always be careful now that you are a Lutheran Minister. History shows that every time you mix your political views with your religious beliefs, it ALWAYS has a tendency to back fire on you. In a way that you may never recover. It was good hearing from you!!! Take Care & God Bless

Flewellyn at 5:23pm March 20
I still think this is an early April Fools Day joke.

J F R at 5:43pm March 20
Wow K, I love ya....but I have to strongly disagree with your letter. I support your right to your opinions, I just don't happen to agree with them....

S S at 5:47pm March 20
That was great, this whole bail out mess is why I belive in "seperation of market and state" And remember, Obama doesn't read from a teleprompter, I think he has a magical one that tells him what to say.

K K at 6:53pm March 20
The beauty of facebook, or any public forum for that matter, is the function of peer review...or any review for that matter. Thanks to all of you for your comments (really, I mean it). It's good to be held accountable and it's good to have so many colleagues and friends in my life who can agree or disagree, but still be colleagues and friends ... regardless. You guys are awesome.

A couple of you shared concerns that this is not appropriate rhetoric for a pastor. Just to put your minds at ease, I would NEVER speak such things from my Sunday morning pulpit. So for those of you fearing that this type of writing compromises my credibility as a pastor, remember that my congregation gets the Word of God and not the political rantings of a frustrated conservative. That's what Facebook is for :)

Also, if my most honorable Bishop can write letters to presidents and candidates telling them what to do on behalf of "the church," then I can voice my opinions on behalf of myself.

T S at 6:56pm March 20
Amen :)

D C at 9:01pm March 20
Lets get down to the real issues here. We who do not support Obama is not because we support Bush. Its because we believe in what America was founded on. A Republic, not a Democracy, that Obama so freely speaks about. Ben Franklin himself said after the Constitutional Amendment the we were given a Republic, if we could keep it. Many of us are ... afraid of losing that because of Obama's agenda. The fight is not between Bush and Obama but for our way of life that we are so fortunate to have. Let us not forget the Men and Women who have died to preserve it. A Democracy will lead and has always done so in history to an Oligarchy. So you who say to do your research, I say the same to you. A Republic was designed to give power to the people, not government. WE who are upset about Obama is because he believes in the power of government, rule by a group. The government needs to get out of the way. The Constitution works and has for years. Maybe the president needs to read it again.

F K at 9:37pm March 20
Vary well done!you should post it on the K group page.

Flewellyn at 9:41pm March 20
Mr. C, you imply a disparity where none exists. Obama believes in the power of government to do the will of the people. That is what a democratic republic such as ours is designed to provide, and what we came closer than I'd care to think about to losing in the past eight years.

D C at 9:52pm March 20
He does not believe in the will of the people. I am sorry you do not see that. I cannot convince you of that and will not try to do so. Time will be your teacher.

K F at 9:55pm March 20
D here speaks truth. To those who would pull K aside and whisper in his ear, "you're a pastor", I say "stuff it." You want him to moderate his opinions and "spin" what he "means" by what he "says", you effectively reduce the ministry to a political position.

Unlike "Reverend" Wright, K has not used the pulpit to fan the flames of his conservatism. Let it rest.

D C at 10:01pm March 20
Flew....I am saddend you do not see the disparity. Its not me I am concerned about, but YOU and I.

Flewellyn at 10:09pm March 20
He doesn't believe in the will of the people? Prove it.

D C at 10:10pm March 20
("That is what a democratic republic such as ours is designed to provide, and what we came closer than I'd care to think about to losing in the past eight years.")

You fail to realize that we were not attacked again. Bush had to make some of the hardest decisions in recent presidential history. You and your way of life "were" safe. You may not see it now but will soon realize.

D C at 10:13pm March 20
He is playing Robbin Hood. Steel from the rich and give to the poor. THAT IS SOCIALIST. Before you know it he will be hoppin fences dodgin tree's and trying to get away.

C D at 10:13pm March 20
K, this is well said. Thank you for sharing this with us!

Flewellyn at 10:14pm March 20
How does someone who purports to be a Christian, side with the wealthy against the poor? Really, now.

Flewellyn at 10:16pm March 20
"You fail to realize that we were not attacked again. "

Yes, we were. Or did you forget about the anthrax mailings? Or the bombing of family planning clinics by domestic terrorists? Or the numerous attacks on gays and lesbians? Or, while we're at it, bombing, setting fire to, or releasing toxic chemicals in mosques? All of these happened. None were labelled "terrorism" by the Bush administration, simply because they were the terrorists Bush supported.

D C at 10:37pm March 20
Do not put words in his mouth. Believing in a free economy does not equal "against the poor". People make choices daily. They need accept the path that they choose, not blame someone else. I have made many bad decisions in life and live with the results. Your entitlement mentality is the problem. I have a wife and three children that I support. It is not my job to support everyone else.

Flewellyn at 10:39pm March 20
Oh really?

Matthew 19:21:"Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me."

D C at 10:43pm March 20
As a christian I agree with what you say. But at the same time, it is a choice, that our Lord and Saviour gives us!!!!! He did not put a government in place to make sure we do so.

Flewellyn at 10:45pm March 20
Then I will respond only with part of Matthew 22:21: "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's."

The money which AIG received from the government, and misused? Caesar's.

D C at 10:57pm March 20
Jesus did not feed everybody, he just showed then where to eat.

A B at 10:58pm March 20
Oh, quite the debate you've stirred K. And you're so wrong on so many things, it's not even funny and writing an open letter to the president "AS A PASTOR" and abusing your office of preacher is just wrong and you know it! But, you're still my second favorite Republican and I still love you. I'll pray for you! ;-)

Flewellyn at 10:58pm March 20
Really? So that whole fishes and loaves thing was just a sales demo?

D C at 11:20pm March 20
Jesus is not a sales man. Do not make a mockery of him. Especially when it comes to politics. You can quote your verses,(much better than I can) its the purpose that you are exploiting. I thought this was about politics. Its obvious at this point you believe in the agenda. I am insulted by your attempts to twist words into a higher power and ... inclusively try to group Obama with our Lord. You are the poster child of what our nation has to deal with. I have tried to keep this healthy and constructive. Your motivation to WIN has definitely shown. It is people like you that I do not have any concern for. I wish you and your entitled Americans luck, you have created your own path.

D C at 11:25pm March 20
A-Are Pastors off limits from expressing personal opinion?

T S at 11:37pm March 20
Flew - using bits and pieces of scripture to serve your own purpose is not right! And as far as domestic terrorism goes - while I in NO WAY condone physical violence to get a point across, I do believe that more people were injured by what was happening in those clinics than by what happened to the clinics. Not to mention - the Obama ... administration has recently said there is no "terrorism", just "man-caused disasters". And they have repeatedly expressed that the people who commit these heinous acts just need to be negotiated with better! Because that will work. . . . .

F K at 11:46pm March 20
why does k being a pastor have anything to do with sharing his political beliefs and opinions? separation of church and state is for the government, not the people. that's like saying that because i'm a cop, i shouldn't let my opinion on the death penalty be known.

F K at 11:48pm March 20
k, you say what you like! so long as you don't use the pulpit for personal or political gain, no one should care what you say when you're out from behind it.

D C at 12:04am March 21

T-"I do believe that more people were injured by what was happening in those clinics than by what happened to the clinics.".........Very good point.

D C at 12:20am March 21
I am not suprised taht Flew disapeared. Obama suporters are doing the same........There is no logic behind their argument. I actually find it hard not to critisize and even insult this thought process. Agenda keeps genorating in my head. I am sick of the anti "Bush" people grouping us all together because we are against Obama. Obama is not capable of runnign AIG let alone our nation. The only problem is that he thinks that the people that put him into this position will be there when he fails.

Flewellyn at 12:56am March 21
"Flew - using bits and pieces of scripture to serve your own purpose is not right! "

Are you kidding? Conservatives do it all the time. Or are you just upset because I picked the ones that remind conservatives that, hey, Jesus was actually a pretty liberal guy, you know?

"while I in NO WAY condone physical violence to get a point across, I do believe that more people were injured by what was happening in those clinics than by what happened to the clinics."...

No, they weren't. They were receiving medical treatment.

"Jesus is not a sales man. Do not make a mockery of him."

I've done nothing of the sort. Saying that Jesus favored the free market and the idea of self-reliance rather than helping other people, now, that's making a mockery. Me, I just said something flippant about your attitude.

Ah, hell with it. I'm bored, and there's no hope of getting through here.

D C at 1:22am March 21
FLEW............Please dont tell me that you are that stupid. Recieving medical tratment equals an abortion............What would Jesus say about that??????????

D C at 1:23am March 21
Was Jesus Liberal enough to abort you?? I think not. But we would probably be better off.

D C at 1:26am March 21
Self reliance compaired to helping others. We help people, we just do it without Obama making us do so. It kinda gives it a better meaning. quit shooting yourself. besides the taxes on ammo is getting out of control.

Flewellyn at 1:27am March 21
What DID Jesus say about abortions?

Go try and find something. In any part of the Christian scriptures. (No, you don't get to use the "Old Testament", that's not yours.) Search hard. Look for him saying a single word about abortion.

You won't find it. Because Jesus said NOTHING about it. Not a thing....

He did, however, say a lot about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and healing the sick. Helping the poor and downtrodden, that was practically all he talked about. He even went into the Temple and chased out the moneylenders (AIG, anyone?).

Your Christ does not sound very conservative to me. In fact, to me, he sounds like a SOCIALIST!

D C at 1:27am March 21
Flew.....Do you know what the 2nd amendment was put into place for?

D C at 1:29am March 21
Listen to yourself.

Flewellyn at 1:30am March 21
Between the comment about you being "better off" if I'd been aborted, and bringing up the second amendment in such context, I get the distinct impression you are threatening me. That's extremely uncalled for, rather illegal, and by the way, not very Christian of you.



This was, on the whole, such a wonderous serving of fail that I felt a duty to preserve it for posterity. Or perhaps posterior. I'm still ruminating on the events recorded herein, so I may post some thoughts later.

Comments

[ms-daisy-cutter.livejournal.com]

Wooooooow.

Three comments:

1. Oh, quite the debate you've stirred Kevin. - You need to replace the name there with "K."

2. This is one of various reasons I don't use Assbook. If you find it useful in some way, that's cool... but I'm not sociable enough to want a second social-networking site, and I so don't want to use Facebook for business because of conversations like these.

3. Well, I was going to make a trenchant observation on the conversation itself, but... I got nothin'. Really, you said it all in that chat.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the catch. I edited.