Evil plotting.

Recently, xuincherguixe and I were discussing the subject of video games. Namely, what sort would we make if we were inclined to try and create some of our own?

This, as you might imagine, is not a good thing for us to be speculating about. You see, xuincherguixe is quite insane, and I am almost as silly. The concepts which we created are...well, not evil, precisely, but definitely odd.

Our idea? The Jim Lorfen series of games. In the same vein as "Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri", or "Sid Meier's Civilization", or perchance "Sid Meier's Railroads", we would have games credited to "Jim Lorfen".

So, you would end up with "Jim Lorfen's Squirrel Raiser", "Jim Lorfen's Pastry Trebuchet", or "Jim Lorfen's Battle Moth".

Who is Jim Lorfen? No idea. Not the foggiest. Nor would the games (or the manuals) tell anyone who he is, or is not.

But the fun doesn't stop there. As the sample titles I gave above may indicate, we came up with a few...interesting ideas for games, which I shall now present here, because I thought it would be fun. Also, I need to fill space.

• Pastry Trebuchet! A 3D version of "Rampart" or "Scorched Earth", played with siege engines that hurl large, exploding baked goods. Each type of pastry, whether a pie, a tart, a strudel, or what have you, would have different effects, such as extra damage, greater damage radius, lower calories, fruit filling, and so on. Not a game for the diabetic.


• Squirrel Raiser! Vaguely similar to "Act Raiser", in that it combines action and combat with sim-style construction, this game has you take the role of the Master Squirrel, leading your furry rodent subjects in a bid to take back their park and forest homelands from the evil...well, we haven't worked that part out yet. Probably ninja raccoons, or giant battle robots.


• Battle Moth! Combat flight sim action, arthropod style! Fly moths, butterflies, dragonflies, and other insects as they battle over the backyard, firing venom blasts, egg missiles, and other weapons at each other in a bid for supremacy! You'd have to refuel by drinking nectar from flowers, and of course avoid the porch light and the bug zapper. I envision the landing zones being illuminated by rows of fireflies.


• Xtreme Dishwasher! An RPG, you are a dishwasher (probably a Whirlpool) trying to discover the secrets of your past and avenge the death of your refridgerator father. Battle appliances and other home equipment in a bid to defeat the ultimate evil, Lord Lawnmower.


• Mortal Debate! Take debate team to the next level in this verbal-fighting game, in which you must choose the right argument or counter-argument in order to use your special powers to defeat your opponent! Each point made means a punch, kick, thrown fireball, or what have you; each point lost means you're one step closer to the dreaded "QEDality!"


• Tree Simulator! Simulate the life of a tree. Um...stand there and photosynthesize. Pollinate. Grow fruit. How do you like them apples?

So, that's the ideas we've come up with so far. Got any others, folks?

Remember, if it made sense, it wouldn't be a Jim Lorfen game!