Well, I suffered, so now it's your turn.

xuincherguixe IMed me, as is his wont, to tell me about yet another of his horrible ideas that would not only drive mortal men and women to madness, not merely make Great Cthulhu scream in horror, but make even such blasphemous avatars of insanity as Tom Cruise blink and say "That shit ain't right, yo."

I speak of this suggestion: "How about one of those stupid buddy cop movies, only with Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey?"

As I asked him in reply, does he hate me? Does he want me to claw my eyes out in order to make the visions stop?

Well, the answer, of course, is yes. But we like to share, so here are some other ideas I came up with, partly as revenge. I present them here in limpingpigeon-friendly bulleted list style!

• A romantic comedy starring Christopher Walken and Sharon Stone.


• David Spade and Paris Hilton team up for a production of Faust in the original German.


• Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas star in Waiting for Godot.


• Angelina Jolie and Andy Dick in a romantic drama.


• Do the buddy cop flick, but with Hayden Christiansen and Bea Arthur.

I'd say that's a fine (read: awful) starting list. Any other ideas, while your brains have yet to liquify and bleed out of your ears?