What the hell ass?

I saw this and immediately thought of xuincherguixe.





That's right, squirrel armor.

There is also dog armor.

The very model of a modern-day conservative...

Over at ginmar's, during a discussion of the Republican convention, dancinghorse described Sarah Palin as "the very model of a modern-day Republican".

Well, this is a dangerous thing to say around a filking type like me; I was immediately brought to recall the Gilbert and Sullivan song "Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance, and...well, here is the final result.

Imagine it sung by Palin, with a group of young Republicans as her chorus.

Modern-Day Conservative

I am the very model of a modern-day conservative
In governance and policy my thoughts are quite derivative
Suppress dissent and crush the poor, at base these comprise my intent
My hatred for democracy and freedom is self-evident

For poverty and hardship I have nothing but the highest praise
And social inequalities fill me with joy for many days
If you be anything but white, a man, and rich and powerful
I'll gladly screw you over and I ne'er will feel sorrowful

She'll gladly screw you over and she ne'er will feel sorrowful
She'll gladly screw you over and she ne'er will feel sorrowful
She'll gladly screw you over and she ne'er will feel sorrowful

I always ensure profit from misusing my authority,
As any fascist would, I make my welfare a priority
For liberty and freedom my rule shall not be preservative
I am the very model of a modern-day conservative

For liberty and freedom her rule shall not be preservative
She is the very model of a modern-day conservative

I have no care for principles, unless they be tyrannical
My ethics are a bandit's and my mores puritanical
For dignity of humankind I neither care nor understand
My only loyalties are what the new plutocracy demand

About the war, I proudly say that I would take no action
For endless war is beneficial to my ruling faction
To keep our wealth we must ensure American hegemony
It doesn't matter who objects, dissention is our enemy

It doesn't matter who objects, dissention is our enemy
It doesn't matter who objects, dissention is our enemy
It doesn't matter who objects, dissention is our enemy

It's plain to see that medicine is meant to be a privilege
If you can't pay for treatment, you can rot like mouldy foliage
For obviously only wealthy people have a right to live
I am the very model of a modern-day conservative

For obviously only wealthy people have a right to live
She is the very model of a modern-day conservative

I advocate small government, at least until I'm running it
Pay no attention to the fact that I left my small town in debt
The government can do no right, this is the truth that I assert
And if it does it shortly won't, from effort that I shall exert

It's obvious that women have quite clearly overstepped their place
To keep them down is critical, in order to appease my base
You can't trust women with a choice, they lack sufficient intellects
(Ignore that I'm a woman, just oppress all others of my sex)

Ignore that she's a woman, just oppress all others of her sex
Ignore that she's a woman, just oppress all others of her sex
Ignore that she's a woman, just oppress all others of her sex

And naturally I favor solely teaching children abstinence
Ignoring that its efficacy rests solely on providence
For fundie law must dominate, no matter how absurd it is
I am the very model of a modern-day conservative

For fundie law must dominate, no matter how absurd it is
She is the very model of a modern-day conservative

Edit: I've discovered that some people have reproduced this elsewhere on the net, giving me credit. I don't have a problem with this, though I would have liked notification. But, just to clear up any legal worries, I hearby license this post (though not its comments!) under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 license.

Again, this does not apply to the text of any comments to this post: those are copyright their respective authors, and may not be reproduced.

Linking to (as opposed to reproducing) this post is allowed in any context.