Mistaken identity, bad spelling, or just plain weird name?

[flewellyn]

I get a lot of mail, most of which I have no interest in reading. I have multiple ways of telling whether a piece of mail is worth reading, of course: one hint is if it's from my former college, asking me to donate money (after all that tuition I gave them, they can just piss right off). Another, however, is how it's addressed.

For instance, a handwritten note saying "Avi Blackmore", or mentioning "Flew", is probably personal, and in all likelihood from limpingpigeon. She almost never sends me anything that I wouldn't love to have, with the exception of a set of teeth; I'm not sure why she sent me an envelope full of bloody molars, but please, Jessi, no more of those.

Anyway, if it's typed, and doesn't append some kind of title or anything, I may still want to read it. Anything addressed to "Mr. Avi Blackmore" is probably business junk mail; anything addressed to "Dr. Blackmore" is actually for my dad, and gets forwarded to his current address in Maryland; anything for "Marian Blackmore" is promptly sent back with the words "no longer on this planet" written across it (unless I'm feeling mean, in which case I'll write "She's been dead for seven years, you bastards!"). Anything for "Mr or Mrs Nelston V. Quadrant" is probably from a Dave Barry column, and can be safely ignored.

What's not common, however, is what I found today, a small envelope addressed to "Ms. Avi Blackmore". I figured that this might be a case of a typo, since the s and r keys are near each other in the sense of being on the same keyboard, more or less. However, when I opened the envelope, I discovered it was...a flyer inviting me to participate in a free endometriosis screening.

Ahem.

Now, I don't wish to mock the idea of doing such screenings; endometriosis is very painful, and can be debilitating, for women who suffer from it. It's just that, well...last time I checked...

Hang on, I'll check again...

Nope...still not a woman.

Comments

[limpingpigeon.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Nobody appreciates an envelope of perfectly good bloody molars these days.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Well, it's just that I was worried they were YOUR bloody molars. Can't have the Pigeon being unable to eat!

[limpingpigeon.livejournal.com]

Pigeons don't even have teeth.

[takhisis.livejournal.com]

My dad goes by W.A. Hynes for business purposes (his real initials), but everyone who knows him, friends and family, knows him by his nickname. So anyone calling or sending mail to the house addressed to "W.A." is guaranteed to be advertisement. Although the most amusing was when some computer decided it didn't understand initials, so my dad must actually be Asian, and he got an advertisement addressed to "Wa Hung". I think he framed that one, after a few dozen "Yes, I'm hung! It says so right here!" jokes.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

Well, anything that my dad gets addressed to "Thomas" is either medical or governmental, or else it's advertising. If it's addressed to "T. Gershon", then it's probably rabbinic. "You Silly Man" is from his fiance.

[xuincherguixe.livejournal.com]

That was well written.

[winterbadger]

Being named "Jan" (after one of my Dutch ancestors) and having been married to someone named "Chris", I've gotten my share of messed up addressing-by-people-who-don't-know-me. :-) PLus having two middle names... What was astonishing was having a background check come back one time with the different spellings of my name that junk mailers and bankcard companies have used, and all the different variants of initials, all listed as "aliases". Uh, guys, *I* didn't choose to go by all those diffrent names...

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

It's so comforting to think that the mass-marketers and the DHS are all sharing the same database of wrong information...