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[personal profile] flewellyn
So I was talking to my friend Kitling, and...

Yeah.

Flewellyn: I feel weird.
Kitling: you are weird
Flewellyn: Well, yes, but I mean in a bad way.
Kitling: wait... are you growing extra limbs of some sort?
Flewellyn: Vaguely nauseated.
Flewellyn: Oh, uh, let me check.
Flewellyn: Hmm...no, doesn't seem so.
Kitling: cause that usually feels pretty odd
Flewellyn: Indeed.
Kitling: are you pregnant?
Flewellyn: Err, pretty sure I can't be.
Kitling: you never know
Kitling: but we'll put it at the bottom of the list
Flewellyn: Yeah...
Flewellyn: Although it would be funny for me to buy a pregnancy test.
Kitling: heh. yeah
Flewellyn: It's similar to the idea from XKCD, of standing in the produce section of the supermarket with a can of lube, looking contemplative.
Kitling: heeheehee
Flewellyn: Or, try to find the combination of items that most freaks out a cashiere.
Kitling: heehee
Flewellyn: XKCD's winner so far: home pregnancy test and coat hanger.
Kitling: diapers and a ball-peen hammer
Flewellyn: Uhhhhh...
Flewellyn: *brain breaks*
Kitling: *wins*
Flewellyn: Or, how about a nail gun and a can of lube?
Kitling: *falls over laughing*
Kitling: lube and a dog-training video
Flewellyn: GAAAH
Kitling: heh
Flewellyn: Lube with just about anything, really.
Kitling: true
Flewellyn: Helium canister and a box of condoms.
Kitling: though in portland you can get lube and the things that are supposed to go with it at about 1,000,000 places
Flewellyn: Oh, I got one.
Kitling: we have the highest per-capita porn stores and strip clubs in the country
Flewellyn: A nature video and a big box of tissues.
Kitling: ....odd
Flewellyn: Like you were going to jerk off while watching it.
Kitling: not freaky. just seems like you'd be crying a lot
Flewellyn: Oh.
Kitling: add in lotion, then, ok
Kitling: remember, it doesn't have to just be two things
Flewellyn: Condoms, baby oil, and a jackhammer.
Kitling: HA
Kitling: are we sticking to the grocery store?
Flewellyn: A shovel, quicklime, and a set of handcuffs.
Kitling: niiiiice
Flewellyn: Oh, and a box of ammo.
Flewellyn: Okay, now, that one gets a bit too disturbing.
Kitling: nah, cause you could jsut beat someone to death with the shovel
Flewellyn: *thinks*
Kitling: adding the ammo shows intent, and is enough for a warrant
Flewellyn: True.
Flewellyn: Of course, you wouldn't actually have done anything, so the police would find nothing.
Flewellyn: Still, a bit too disturbing.
Flewellyn: I prefer to go with the "pervert" idea.
Kitling: true, but if you're buying AS IF you were going to do something, you'd have thought of that
Kitling: oh, yeah, I'm much more about being a pervert than being violent
Flewellyn: A staple gun, a caulking gun, and a box of adult diapers.
Kitling: ......aaaand you win
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July 2014

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